There’s nothing inherently wrong with you. And you do not lack the intelligence to understand me. Quite the opposite. So, while we are contemplating honesty, with its mirrored qualities, let me simply explain that you will never know the finer facts. Because the truth lies among in betweens. And…
Icicles … I thought them remarkable because they seemed to grow as a consequence of their own grief, and I wondered whether my feelings would freeze to me by the time they had traveled my length, and whether each of us wasn’t just the size of our consciousness solidified.
“
| — | William H. Gass (via mitford) |
I think how little we can hold in mind, how everything is constantly lapsing into oblivion with every extinguished life, how the world is, as it were, draining itself, in that the history of countless places and objects which themselves have no power of memory is never heard, never described or passed on.
“
| — | W.G. Sebald (via invisiblestories) |
The one thing which we seek with insatiable desire is to forget ourselves, to be surprised out of our propriety, to lose our sempiternal memory and to do something without knowing how or why; in short to draw a new circle. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. The way of life is wonderful. It is by abandonment.
“
| — | R.W. Emerson, Circles (via invisiblestories) |
Where else for you or me
I have let go
I have forgotten what I let go of
I look across to you to speak
And have become a monster to myself
I have let go
I have forgotten what I let go of
I look across to you to speak
And have become a monster to myself
“
| — | From Martin Corless-Smith’s English Fragments: A Brief History of the Soul (via invisiblestories) |
SO, HOW’S SCHOOL?
I met a girl.
RUN. RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN. RUN, LEST YOUR HEART BE BROKEN AND YOUR DREAMS SHATTERED. RUN, THAT YOU MAY BE SPARED THE INEQUITY OF PLEADING FOR CLOSURE, THE MISERY OF A THOUSAND SLEEPLESS NIGHTS BEGGING FOR THE SCENT OF HER HAIR, THE FEEL OF HER HEART BENEATH THE SOFT BONES OF HER CHEST. RUN, OR BE DESTROYED, AT LEAST IN PART, BY THAT WHICH YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND NOR TAME.
Her name’s Shelly.
YEAH, SORRY. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING A BIT THERE.
Oh I know we’re not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don’t care that we don’t.
“
| — |
Dylan Thomas, November or December 1936 From The Love Letters of Dylan Thomas (via liquidnight) |
Routines
There is something special about finally leaving “work”, finally having time to yourself. a routine, if you will, you may go about it unconsciously but it’s a way of unwinding, allowing your body to physically understand that now is the time to relax and build strength. For me, it’s letting my hair down and enveloping myself in the perfume of freshly shampooed hair. all day long it is set in a messy bun or some cute new style I’m attempting and then suddenly it’s free and fresh. suddenly it’s not about what I look like or how much I smile or how accommodating I can be, it’s about the fact that I am this peter complex-awkward-random-book loving-tattoo enhanced-musical loving dork. I’m unsure of everything in my life and letting my hair down and not having to smile reminds me that I’m playing only a small part of myself most of the time and that there is so much more to me, a complexity that only now am I beginning to question and possibly understand.
YOU’RE SORRY I’M UPSET? YOU’RE SORRY I’M UPSET? HERE’S A CRAZY THOUGHT: WHY DON’T YOU TRY BEING SORRY THAT YOU’RE AN INSENSITIVE SHITHEAD WHO DOESN’T THINK BEFORE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH? WHY DON’T YOU TRY BEING SORRY YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE TACTFUL, OR TENDER, EVER? HOW ABOUT YOU JUST APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A COMPLETE DICK 85% OF THE TIME, TO EVERYONE, BECAUSE YOU’RE AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED MAN-CHILD CAREENING THROUGH LIFE LIKE A PSYCHIC WRECKING BALL, SOMEHOW DELUDED INTO THINKING YOUR BULLSHIT IS ‘CHARMING’ OR ‘FUNNY’? THOSE ARE A FEW THINGS YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY BEING SORRY ABOUT BEFORE YOU APOLOGIZE FOR MY COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED REACTIONS TO YOUR BEHAVIOR, ASSHOLE.
JUST GO AWAY BEFORE I ‘OVERREACT’ TO WHATEVER GARBAGE IS ABOUT TO COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
Note: I felt a lot like this with my ex.
